MY HEART REJOICES IN THE LORD

        1 SAMUEL 2:1 

         Dr. (Mrs.) Atiqa Kelsy  

                                                                    

   “Blessed be the Lord,
For He has shown me His marvelous kindness in a strong city.  Psalm 31:21

We had gone to attend the Constituency Meetings of Madhya Bharat Section and had hardly registered when Mom called to say that she is not feeling so well. We rushed back without any delay and she was taken to the hospital. When my father called from the hospital saying my mother needs to be admitted, a choking lump rose in my heart. I was scared I would not see her again because she had been seriously ill for a week now and not much had been diagnosed. She has been a patient of Rheumatic Heart and has already been operated before where her contracted valves were merely expanded.  The doctor had said back then that the operation would have its effect for 10-12 years depending on how much we cared for her. It had been 24 years since her operation and we all feared that her heart has given up now. By God’s Grace the 10-12 years of duration had expanded to 24 years. As a child I had grown up listening to my father praying to give her life enough to raise me and see me get married. That day I felt our probation was over. I had grown up, been married for five years and had been blessed with two lovely daughters. Looking back I realized God in His mercy had given us more than what we had asked for and even deserved.

I did not even have to courage to ask God for more even though every cell of my body was screaming for it. The reports came the next day and sullenly declared that her valves that had been previously expanded now need replacement and that too as soon as possible. In fact, the doctor said her heart is functioning on only two valves and that has caused the impure and pure blood to mix and reach the lungs. Thus the liquid in the lungs also needs to be extracted. The lump in my heart rose further to suffocate me. Anyone who has seen my mom knows how frail she is. How would she endure the pain? The question loomed large in my mind and I had no answer. I was sure I will never see her alive again. She will depart failing to endure the pain. With two very small girls, this unfortunate daughter had not been able to visit her in the hospital too. All I could do in my desperate position was hold fort at the home front all alone. I had no one to turn to, to talk to and to share my fears with. Controlling hard to avoid the tears from falling off I went about the daily chores and putting a façade of a brave girl. By noon the burden became too heavy and I in my utter desperation and helplessness sank to my knees in an obscure corner of our kitchen and wept bitterly pouring my entire burden on our Saviour’s shoulders. I begged and pleaded with the Lord confessing that I had no right to ask for more when already I have received more than I deserved being such a troublesome daughter. Yet I persisted with the Lord saying, “I have no one on Earth beside you and no one in Heaven but you.” Like a daughter wrestles with her father for her wishes to be granted I pleaded with my heavenly Father to beg for my mother’s life. I meekly lay my request at the foot of His altar and surrendered after a while. With a peaceful resignation I surrendered saying, “Thy Will be done, Lord. Grant my strength and grace.”

I rose from my knees and felt an insistent urge to gather a prayerful support for her. I knew only prayers will work and nothing else. I wanted prayers to work because I had stopped caring for science. I only wanted my mom back home alive—just the way she had gone from home. Fortunately the constituency was going on and I immediately called up all the people I knew attending it and requested for special prayers. The entire Madhya Bharat Section got together and prayed as one soul for my mother’s speedy recovery. I was desperate and I wanted to throw all science in the dustbin because I did not care anymore what the doctors would say. What mattered now was what my Lord had to say. I would accept that with a calm resignation lying at his doorstep. Hundreds of people created a fence around us through their prayers. The entire Madhya Bharat Section was praying for my mother three to five times a day. I know all our well wishers extended their love and support through the loving arms of prayer and moreover hundreds of people whom we did not even know sent up prayers fervently. It was the power of these prayers only that upheld us when the billows were rough and we thought we will drown. Through the anchors of their prayers we kept sailing.

An untold peace fell on me like dusk settling on a calm evening. I felt reassured because I knew God was in control and I knew one thing that His will is never detrimental for His children. The next day the liquid from her lungs had to be extracted. As a fickle human being I was scared, yet my spirit felt firm. I prayed once more and resolved to stop worrying. By noon, dad called up saying the doctor did a retest last minute and realized that there is not enough liquid now that they need to extract it. Tears welled up and blinded me because I knew God had been merciful again. I knew God had wrought another wonder in my life. After five days mom was discharged from the hospital. I saw her alive again even though a little weak when I actually feared the contrary I realized that God had granted His daughter’s plea.

We had to wait for another two months before she could be taken to Pune for further advice as the doctors from Ajmer, Jaipur and Delhi all said that surgery was unavoidable and was in fact the only cure in mom’s case. We all naturally wanted t avoid surgery at this age and looking at mom’s condition the prospect seemed a little worrying too. We thought of seeking medical opinion from Pune. As soon as vacations began, my sister Mrs. Nikeeta Hembrom, who is closely knot to our bosoms and especially my mom’s, took all the appointments. Dad made all the arrangements for the surgery thinking just in case the doctors arrive at a similar conclusion in Pune too then they will go ahead with the surgery there only. Chances of her recovery were 80-20 but all the doctors here assured us that medical science has advanced and thus we need not fear the negative 20%. The required cash was arranged along with man power both in Pune and at home to help my manage my toddlers and home. Finally, with a heavy heart feeling so worthless as I could not even accompany my mother and with faith deep down that thousands of prayers were ascending for her, my husband and I along with my two daughters bid them good bye. Two days later when the doctors saw the reports they insisted on fresh ones as all the reports were two and half months old. She was taken for fresh ECG, Echo Cardio, and Doppler etc.  while we were fearing the worst as logically her condition must have deteriorated yet hoping for a miracle. Half suspended between two poles of possibilities—one logical and the other only miraculous, we waited for the results.

For the past two months I had prayed, “Lord, I have only heard and read about miraculous healing but never experienced it in my life. Grant me this occasion so that I can also see it with my own eyes and experience it.” The dreaded call came and with trembling hands I received it—the reports show a marked improvement in your mom’s heart, said dad from the other end. Her valves have started expanding again. In fact one of them is absolutely fine and the other has improved drastically. The doctor says they can wait another six months to see if there is further improvement. This was a new development. Looking at her latest reports, it looks like she may not need the surgery at all or maybe she might need to undergo a minor one called Balloon Surgery. That will depend on how much her heart has improved in the next six months i.e. December. We were thrilled and I once again sank down to my knees because I knew God had been at work all this while. My prayer has been granted. I thanked God yet not enough and I know I never can. But there is one thing I know,

“Oh, how great is Your goodness,
Which You have laid up for those who fear You,
Which You have prepared for those who trust in You
In the presence of the sons of men!.”

(Psalm 31:19)

Dr Atiqa is daughter of  leading layman Pr.Ulfat Masih from Ajmer Church